walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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