Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
don't judge my taste in strippers
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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