Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
