My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize