sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
