So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
