Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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