whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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