Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
