apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
