he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
