her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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