I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
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