My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize