oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
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is this the sara with the beer cane?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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