I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
