i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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