You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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