so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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