I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
