can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
