I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
