I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You have to summon your inner elephant
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
