So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
