Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
