he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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