I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
