You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
