I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
