Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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