I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
