Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
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Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
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You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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