Im at strip club and am horny
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
