I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
