I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
