I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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