so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
