I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
