oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
