I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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