Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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