Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
