I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
