a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
