Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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