Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
