I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
