I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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