so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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