I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
