She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
