May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
