It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
