i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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