With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
