i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
