i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
