the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
