i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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