): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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