I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
