Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
