I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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