the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
