Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
