I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
either way he was missing a nipple.
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You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
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Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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