I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she peed on how many people?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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