I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
