I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
