found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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