If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
