This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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