Soap is not a condiment
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
