I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
