drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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