i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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