you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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