in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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