Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
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we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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